I’m curious how much sleep other people’s toddlers get. A lot of people tell me their kids bedtime is around 6/7pm at night. Yet, anytime my DD falls asleep before 9pm is a miracle. How many hours did your kid nap during the day? What bedtime did they have? What age did they drop daytime naps? My DD is just shy of 2. She usually wakes between 7 and 8am, has a 1 to 2 hr nap (I wake her at 1hr, but daycare will let her sleep longer) and goes to bed about 10.30pm each day. I really want to fix my sleep, which is terrible, but its hard to do so until I fix hers first. Every now and then for a week or so Ill get her going to bed regularly at 8pm, but never lasts.

My kids at that age slept 7pm to 6am/6:30am then slept for about 2.5 hours from midday. They are big sleepers though. At 5 and 6 now they sleep 7:15pm - 6:30am. They dropped their naps at 5! Definitely too late at night for you as well as for her. I think I’d be getting medical advice on melatonin.

Has anyone found anything that helps? Im never sure if I should give in and play with her, or ignore her.

One of mine was a big sleeper, but the other sounds very much like your little one. They dropped day sleeps at 17 months (sibling was still day sleeping at 3 ½). If they day slept, they would be up until at least 10pm. The problem with sleep issues is that it takes a lot of energy to try to change - and when you are sleep deprived yourself, you don’t have lots of energy. I know from your posts she attends daycare, but not sure if this is 5x week? If it is, you really need to have a conversation with them re day sleeps. But, if/when you are ready, I would cut the day sleep. Your daughter will be tired and grizzly though - it gets worse before it gets better! Spend the time when she normally day sleeps with her doing quiet activities (reading a book, snuggling together, watching a calm show on tv, listening to music). This will cut into your worktime initially, but will hopefully get you your evenings back. If she isn’t day sleeping, try for bed around 6.30/7. Eat when you pick her up from daycare (even a snack to eat in the car on the way home, if she is likely to fall asleep on the drive home without it), bath, pjs on, lay down where you want her to sleep eg her bed/your bed/lounge, and look at a book together. You stay there even if she gets up. I generally find that if you play with them/give them active attention then they find another surge of energy. Stay laying down, if she wanders off then let her/don’t say anything. When she comes back, give big cuddles again. **Of course, this planned ignoring for not staying in bed only works if your house is safe for her to wander in** As I said earlier, it takes time and energy to change! But having your nights to yourself again will be worth it.

I’ve blocked most of the toddler years due to lack of sleep and their tantrums. My first was a very long time ago, and we were pretty good at getting her to bed around 7.30pm. Going to sleep was another issue. My 4th - I gave up and he’d often be awake after 10pm - it just meant he slept in which meant I slept in. I am not an early morning person.

Yeah, my DD attends daycare full-time as I work full-time. They dont seem to listen to me no matter how much I ask for them to limit her sleeps. On weekends I wake her up after an hour, but its hard going. The other issue is if she does fall asleep before 8pm, on the rare occasions she does, she will then wake around 11pm and be up for an hour or two. I did try ignoring her more tonight and she fell asleep around 9pm, so slightly better. Im just so tired. Everything is becoming a battle, dinner, baths, changing, bedtime. Sometimes I just cant be bothered.

I’ve always had to lie down with my kids- I still do with the youngest. The room needs to be totally dark and quiet - I can’t do anything and I need to relax myself down by doing deep breathing while lilting there. If there’s any tension in my body, DS will sense it and it will keep him awake. For months, he would fuck around in the dark, flip over, roll over, get out of bed and walk around the other side to climb in again. I just used to lay there and wait. If he did get up and go out, I’d let him, but no screens or any rewards- just a boring, quiet house. It was always easier if I was just ready to go to bed at the same time, so I didn’t stress out about having to get up and clean up the kitchen or have time to myself - I just considered sleep “me time”. I suspect it’s not so much sleep that you’re craving but time to yourself, which is fair enough. But yeah, he dropped the day sleep pretty early - maybe he was two- I can’t remember. They are tough years- hang in there.

So sleep hasn’t improved. In fact it seems worse. Bedtime tends to be between 10.30 and midnight. Daycare arent telling me what sleeps she has, but they told me they were limiting her to 1hr a day. I’ve tried earlier dinner (5.30), later dinner (7.00). Ive tried lots of active play early, and late. Ive tried keeping her quiet. Ive tried ignoring her and giving her lots of attention. Nothing seems to make much of a difference. Until she’s decided she’s ready for sleep I’m a slave to her whims… Today for example. Woke her up at 7.15am, at daycare 7.30am. Picked her up 5.15pm. Snack, dinner, bath by 7pm. Playtime with mummy. 8pm in PJs, bottle, cuddle and she was yawning and I thought maybe tonight Id get lucky. Its now nearly 10pm and she’s running all over the house, had a time out for hitting, got in trouble for splashing the cat water everywhere, managed to pull a tap fitting off the bath, and in trouble now for trying to put sunglasses on the kitten. I’m not sure what else to try. I am exhausted. I guess I need to do no TV, but that’s tricky with my anxiety. Im torn between wanting professional help and thinking if I wasnt suc a shit parent this wouldn’t be a problem/I could fix this problem.

Dawn I think it’s probably reasonable to assume you just have a kid who needs less sleep than most and manage it however you can, to be honest. I don’t think there’s any easy or obvious solution that you haven’t tried, my kids never went to bed early at that age and I ultimately had to make my peace with it. It doesn’t make you any less of a good parent, you can’t fix a kids temperament and it won’t do her any harm to be a bit of a night owl, though it might try your patience at times and it does seriously cut into your time to yourself. I used to stay up later in order to get alone time, not perfect but it’ll get easier. As soon as mine started school it regularised and it’s a lot easier now.

I do think it’s worth interrogating the narrative that good parents have children that wake up early and go to bed early though. I know plenty of people (myself included) who prefer to sleep in and stay up late and there’s nothing ‘lesser than’ about that in my opinion. Sometimes being a good parent is more about recognising your child’s individual traits and adjusting your lives, wherever you can, to accommodate them comfortably. I think if you can be patient when she’s racing around the house at 10pm after you’ve had a long day then that’s an example of wonderful and kind parenting.

Toddlers Sleep Schedule