Thought Id start a thread for sharing parenting advice. My DD is nearly 2. I never know if Im being too lenient or too strict with her. What sort of behaviors do you find unacceptable and how do you change them?

I’m probably not one to give advice, since my youngest is a handful, but I tend to approach kids’ behavioural stuff with the idea that they’re usually not being naughty - but communicating a need. If they’re cranky, they probably need a warm bath and sleep, or some proper food. If they’re clingy, they probably need direct and positive attention. If they’re restless, they probably need some fresh air and exercise. I didn’t really worry about punishing behaviour at that age because they’re not really conscious actors - they’re just a bundle of human needs and desires.

Mine still have most of their worst moments when tired or hungry. They lose the ability to control their emotions. They are five and six! Back when the younger one was a toddler he was an absolute monster. I bought a book, got annoyed, and threw it out. The rules were pretty simple in our house and we picked our battles until he could be reasoned with. He’s now a pretty good kid unless hangry (see above!) but I despaired when he was two.

I should give a scenario for context. I made dinner for her, just some vegetables and chicken fingers. Asked her to come to the table, she was in the lounge watching TV. She ignored me. Usually Ill physically pick her up and put her in her high chair, though some nights we end up playing chasey. Tonight I didn’t want to fuss, so I decided to put her food on a placemat on the floor in the lounge and let her eat it there. She doesnt want it. So I sit down, she joins me finally. I ask her to eat, she’s ignoring me so I turn the TV off. She nibbles a bit. Asks me to turn the TV back on so I do, but as soon as she stops eating it goes off. After 15 very looong minutes she runs off. I ask her to come back and ask if she is finished. She pushes plate at me, so I put it in the kitchen. She’s only picked at it, but it’s something. A minute later she’s gone to her box in the pantry and found a packet of chips and is holding it out to me to open, I refuse and offer her her dinner again, she starts crying/screaming. Keeps trying to push the chips at me, I offer her her plate again, then she’s on the floor throwing a tantrum. I put the chips back, close the pantry and go to leave the kitchen. She is back in the pantry. At this point I pick her up and take her to bathroom for her bath, this is a whole other battle. I never know if Im too strict. Should I have forced her to eat in the dining room, I usually do, but sometimes she gets so upset she refuses to eat anyways. Should I just give her the chips? I worry about what she eats though. We often have a clash of wills. She wants to do one thing and I want her to do something else. Should I continue asking her to comply/coaxing her, or should I just pick her up and ignore her screaming? She can be so smart, kind, helpful, so I find it so frustrating the times she doesnt listen to me.

I’d probably hide anything that you don’t want her to eat outside of meal times out of sight in a high cupboard. I wouldn’t worry about toddlers eating chips, but it makes sense that you’d want her to have some dinner first. At that age it was all about survival though. If she is having a good meal at childcare I wouldn’t stress too much about the quantity at dinner. I always found my kids ate better in a group situation - childcare, family dinners. When you’re on your own it’s a bit harder. Does she have a little table of her own? Could that be a compromise? You might need to put a plastic sheet under it depending on floor coverings. The TV thing is hard, I found it was good way to distract them enough to get some food in. My DD was strong willed compared to my son. I had to be a bit sneaky and manipulative with DD, whereas DS was fairly easy to control. Rather than directly asking her to do something, I’d find a way to make her think it’s her idea - a race, a surprise, a bribe, a couple of options for her to choose from….

We do a lot of that, turning things into a game, diverting her attention, hiding things that cause problems like toys or food. Usually I dont mind her fetching snacks for herself, there’s a few packets of plain chips, some shapes and baby mums. She hasn’t been interested in snacking for weeks, but suddenly she wants lots of snacks. I need to get more fruit tomorrow for her. I did move the box after that, which just sent her into a tantrum that the box was gone and she tried climbing the pantry shelves to find it. Then she trapped the cat in the pantry. She also decided to start climbing on the side table and jump onto the couch. I put a stop to that immediately. Too dangerous and we do not climb on furniture! So hard to know when to give her some autonomy and when to make choices for her.

How old is she dawnshade? I liked the Facebook page one handed cooks and their food philosophy. I control what’s offered, she chose what to eat. And look at food intake over a week. If she was still hungry after dinner, I offered a banana or a glass of milk. (Or a sandwich is there wasn’t a banana around). With the climbing, I think i just went broken record. We don’t climb on the table, climbing outside. And put her on the floor. Then redirect, ’let’s build blocks!' Toddlers are a mess of emotions and impulses, they dont have good control, so it really can feel groundhog day until they grow a bit (and the next challenges come along 😅)

Parenting toddlers and children advice thread

RichardParker

I’m probably not one to give advice, since my youngest is a handful, but I tend to approach kids’ be...