cardamom Reading the comments about womens’ lives being decimated, and mens’ barely changing, was eye-opening for him. I think he imagines that he’s going to be a very hands-on, equal parent - and I hope he is - but doesn’t realise how much that falls by the wayside once the structurally-embedded patriarchy starts to screw you over.
If you’re still ill he’s going to have to be hands on unless he’s okay with seeing you be an exhausted mess on the edge of a nervous breakdown. That hands on will need to continue beyond just the baby years. DD is 11yo now and DH still has to be incredibly hands on. I’m sure it would be different if she didn’t have ASD and ADHD and actually had some executive function. DH certainly got some negative reactions from previous bosses when he’d request time off to attend DD’s specialist appointments or if he left early to go to a school function or if he called in sick when DD was particularly sick. They’d be mystified why I couldn’t do all of those things by myself, especially because they knew I was already at home. The worst was a female boss with 4 or 5 adult children. DH would have to explain that yes, I was at home but that was because I’m chronically unwell and things like a specialist appointment can tire me out for a few days. Hopefully your DP has a more understanding boss.
As for the OP’s topic, I regret having the child I have despite loving her enormously and her being the only reason I get out of bed some days, I regret not having more children, and I know that if I was to have another child I’d regret that too. DH and I regard ourselves as too old now for more children now so I try to ignore any regrets and make the best of being mum to the one child I have while feeling very inadequate as a mother.