Child spilling out all their worries at night

Gum-boots

Argh. Any strategies to share for us to help our six year old? If he’s tired and/or sick he gets worried about the craziest of things at night. He’s a worrier at the best of times but normally a rational conversation calms him down. At bedtime though it’s really hard.

Tonight’s example. While kissing him goodnight I said I’ve to go darling my dinner is ready. He asked why we eat so late and then I explained we get them fed first, then ourselves. Cue absolute sobbing that I (as in me) clearly don’t like myself and I should like myself the most descending into I hate my new bedroom (we’ve just moved). I can safely bet money that they covered liking yourself at school today….

Now he’s got a bit of a cold but this can also happen when overtired. Does anyone else experience this? How do you handle it?

OnFire

Does he have a fever? That might be affecting him.

One of mine was a constant worrier (ASD and anxiety)

I tried everything. Spent a small fortune on essential oils, supplements, bedtime meditation for children DVD, children’s books. Also bought some tiny worry dolls but they weren’t very safe - but they weren’t very safe.

Some of it was her stalling to go to bed.

One thing that worked was she was allowed to ask me 3 questions at bedtime - she was given 3 cards and each question she asked, she had to hand me the card. Made her think more carefully about the questions she asked.

MizHops

A psych recently suggested we try a block if ten minutes before bed time, where ds can write all his worries down and then talk about them.

But he isn’t allowed to write the same worries the following night.

We didn’t try it as he’s been better again but we’ve done lots of psych sessions and therapy over the years. DS’s anxiety peaked at age 6 and now at 13, we have good periods and terrible periods. We do lots of cut stuff, like detective thinking where he has had to learn to rationalise his own worries etc.

I don’t have a perfect solution as in our house it often feels like a work in progress. But know you aren’t alone and it’s bloody tough. For us and for them.

Gum-boots

Thank you both for replying. I really appreciate it.

MizHops

After I commented, my 10 year old called out to say he was having trouble ignoring bad thoughts.

My go to for both my boys is to tell them to scrunch up the bad thought and picture in their head throwing it away and telling it to leave them alone.

Then I tell them to do something boring and repetitive. Like saying the alphabet, or times tables over and over in their head.

If you haven’t seen a psych before, it may be helpful. We’ve used the same tools for 7 years now and most bed times are easier than they used to be.

MrsT

My DS 7 is SO anxious about everything. It’s exhausting. Last week he couldn’t sleep because he could hear our shower dripping in the ensuite (our tap was leaking) and was convinced the whole house would flood. Like your DS, his worries seem to come out at night just before bed. He’s a shocking sleeper and always has been for that reason and others. He is chronically overtired and when he’s hungry his anxiety is a million times worse. He’s diagnosed ADHD but we’re currently in the process of more testing as there is something more going on with him.

I handle it by drinking way too much.

SR21

I had a worrier. He has gotten significantly better with age.

He still needs to ensure he eats and sleeps well to avoid the overtired hangry anxiety.

We sat/sit with our kids to go to sleep (eldest has now decided he’s good on his own at 10) so I’m not sure how helpful I’ll be but if I know it’s over tiredness talking I’ll do everything to encourage sleep ASAP. Sometimes that means not indulging the worries.

Smiling mind app is good. There’s free kids night time guided meditations you can play for them.

Writing out the worries does generally help my eldest but I save that for earlier in the day.

Sometimes I find bedtime needs to be brought forward to avoid that fatigue point. Or an evening supper before bed may help? Maybe the kids could have a supper while you and your partner have dinner then teeth and bed? Family meal times can be very restorative and connective for kids. Dunno just throwing ideas out there in case on is helpful.

Heyho2

No helpful advise but mines spills hers out 8.30am just before we have to leave for school 😅.

Ours has trouble going to sleep too, she’s 10 and we still sit with her. I’m thinking we need to take her to a psych. She really hates the thought of going to sleep without us there. (She did got to camp and sleepovers, but did get very worried before. And hates having g sleepovers at our house.)

Gum-boots

A bit more came out this morning about what he was actually upset about. The child he considers to be his closest friend handed out birthday party invitations to most of the class yesterday, in front of everyone. About four kids left out, including DS (sidebar- what the fuck is wrong with some parents? So unkind). Now DS doesn’t know who to play with as he thinks this other child doesn’t like him. We’ve obviously talked that through and some strategies god making friends but this morning he asked me to drop him off as close to the bell as possible so he wasn’t alone. We are new to the area so I have no relationship with the parents and I know this happens but poor DS is just finding his feet. So last night was actually a meltdown about missing his old school 😞