This is a heart breaking story of a brave woman’s experience of a double mastectomy to try to alleviate her gender dysphoria and subsequent decision to detransition.
These stories are not given enough air time - apparently this woman was recently featured on 60 minutes but I’m not sure which country.
‘Lesson learned, younger me. Don’t let the pushy, glitzy Instagram “before and after” photos fool you- a mastectomy is ALWAYS a big deal.
I felt like I might be crazy having this kind of reaction to the surgery. I had binged on smiling, triumphant pictures of post-op trans men. The gore and the pain and sadness were not what I had expected. I posted on the ftm reddit about feeling a strange sense of grief at the surgery, and asked if anyone felt the same. Many other members of the forum came out of the woodwork to agree. Even if they were happy with the end results, they still felt loss and pain.
Not only that, but my feelings of gender dysphoria increased. My obsession migrated to my hips, my voice, and my very mannerisms. The top half of my body looked okay, but what was I going to do about my hips? The way I moved? I was more obsessed than ever before with monitoring myself. I told myself I was being liberated, but really it felt like I was stacking the bricks to my own prison walls.
I had this nagging feeling - that nothing would ever be enough, that I could just keep cutting and cutting my body but I’d still be the same increasingly-wounded me underneath it all. That feeling grew and grew. When it got loud enough, I began to realize I would have to detransition. I stopped T, and then my hormone-dampened sadness came flooding back. ’