Still struggling with DD’s mental health… I was just wondering if someone with depression can give me some insight. I hope that’s not inappropriate to ask? I just don’t really know what to do in the moment when DD is feeling so low. For eg. Today she woke up, had a shower and came to me looking rather blank and monotone voice said she’s too sad to go to school, but didn’t know why, just generally really really sad and couldn’t face going to school. Is that normal? Do you have days where you just are overwhelmingly sad and can’t function? What do I do with her in those moments? She begged to go back to sleep so I let her sleep for a few hours then dragged her out of the house to wander around the shops (furniture shops, ie no danger of seeing other teenagers). Otherwise she would sleep all day and then not at night. How much do I push her to do things that are good for her but she doesn’t feel like it? Like eating. 😟 Sleeping. Getting out of bed. Is it helpful to have someone put you into a rough routine and make you do basic self care? At the same time, I don’t want to risk nagging and making her frustrated or feel any worse. She’s not defiant or anything, just no energy and no motivation. I hope that all makes sense? I’ll be grateful for any advice.

It’s so hard as I think depression can be experienced quite differently by everyone. I remember sleeping a lot as a teenager as a way to ‘escape’ my life. When I’m depressed things that give me pleasure no longer do, so food tastes bland, books, music no longer are interesting. A lot of the time I had no specific reason for feeling depressed, like a trigger, it just happened though things could make it better or worse. I think you are already doing great by letting her sleep and then getting her out of the house, I wish you had been my mum. Don’t push too hard, but don’t ignore her either. Ask her to do basic self-care things, but then let it go if she doesn’t. My mum would make me dinner every night, sometimes I barely ate, but I appreciated it. These days as an adult I just dont eat… Long term she might need help, I hate to advocate for drugs, but they may help if there’s no specific reason for her feelings, and maybe some counselling. But short term, I liked being distracted, a good book, sleeping, a movie, and then it would pass again. Sometimes having a purpose helped me, as sometimes I would express my depression as a boredom. But it has to be something she wants to do.

Forgive me if you have already put some things in place but she does sound like she could do with some outside assistance. A Gp would be a good place to start for a referral or your schools well-being services. A psychologist can help to put things into perspective for teens or at least give them someone else to chat to. Teens are tricky. I have one seeing a psychologist at the moment for anxiety xxx

My depression was around circumstances, but I would have loved for someone to have set some structure and get healthy routines in place for me. I knew what I needed to do, but couldn’t do it. Healthy food, exercise in the fresh air. Getting me to my gp and then a psych would have been so helpful. I don’t know if that’s what is recommended though? But I feel like it would have helped me.

Dawn Thank you so much ❤️ That’s exactly the kind of insight I was after! Although yes I’m sure it’s different for everyone. Sorry I should clarify- yes, lots already in place. She is under the care of a psychiatrist, and is medicated. She’s on quite a high dose of antidepressant actually, and has just had it increased again and will increase again in another week. It worked wonderfully for her severe anxiety, which is why we sought out the psychiatrist, but now she has this severe depression which is not getting any better, in fact it’s getting worse. 😭 She has only just gotten into a psychologist, saw her Monday and she seemed to like her thank goodness, and sees her again on Thursday. Previously saw a couple of psychs but didn’t click with them, except for the one she saw years ago when she was younger who has since moved away. School is also fully aware and wonderfully supportive. But yeah, I like to think I’m pretty cluey about a lot of things, but I just don’t know what to do with a person with depression, except for all the basic things, I know all that and I like to think I know how to be a good listener etc. But knowing how far to push her into self care has me stressed out most days, as I know she feels like she’s disappointed me so I don’t want to make that feeling worse IYKWIM? With the eating she definitely fits ARFID symptoms at the best of times. Just no desire to eat and rarely feels hungry. Plus now with the low motivation and energy, she just can’t be bothered. I’ve managed to get flexibility with work, so now I’ve started staying home in the mornings so I make sure she wakes up, gets up, and makes herself breakfast, or I will make her some if she’s unable to. One good ‘lifestyle’ thing she does is exercise; she dances 4 times a week and goes willingly most days, or like today, goes with encouragement. That’s another thing I don’t know how hard to push; going to dancing, also going to school- do I force her to go when she says she REALLY can’t?

Heyho2 Thank you, that is helpful. I guess I’d just like to think that when she eventually gets through all this, it would be great to know if she looks back on this time and appreciates me being hands on, or if she thinks I’m just being a nag putting pressure on her….

catbus Mine was pnd, so I wasn’t a teenager. And nobody really helped… so im not sure if it’s grass is greener type thinking. Sorry you are going through this. Far out this parenting is a tough gig at the best of times, but when our kids are having a difficult time it’s heart breaking xx

Heyho2 It is so heartbreaking!! She’s such a great kid, so it makes me so sad she’s feeling this way. Every time I tell someone (with her permission of course) I have to hold back the tears, which I do not succeed at most times!

She will be okay. You are a great mum and your doing all the right things. Push her a little, sometimes having someone push is good, and then back off. Sometimes a day off can help, but you dont want it to become a habit either. Sorry I have a lot of blank memories from teenage years, so trying to remember what helped me. I had anxiety from about 10years old but didnt get treatment until my late 20s. I didnt get anxiety till about 12, I find anxiety worse then depression. Depression makes me tired, quiet and sometimes weepy, anxiety makes me crazy. Lots of hiding in bathrooms to cry.. Nature helps, offer to go for a walk maybe. Structured activities were good, less time to be alone to think of things but I didnt have to put thought into it. Little nice surprises can help. Good emotions could sometimes push me out of it.

Dawn Thank you. ❤️ I love the idea of little surprises, she would love that, as it would remind her that I think of her (I mean of course I never STOP thinking about her lol, but in her current mood she kind of thinks she’s of no value to anyone 😢). Yep she likes to either be asleep or be engaged by something, as it makes her stop thinking her negative thoughts. If she’s ever awake at home, she’s watching netflix for this reason. She says as soon as she turns it off, negative thoughts return. Well so far so good with dance class tonight; she’s tolerated 1.5 hours so far, half an hour to go. Also the strict teacher isn’t here and the lovely sweet one is, so that helps too lol. She’s even cracked a smile ❤️ which I hadn’t seen all day.

catbus Why can’t there be a guidebook!? Just one that has all the answers guaranteed. Hate this whole trying to figure out hard things. Can only give weird internet hugs….

Depression questions...