CallMeAl Do you know why it’s increased OP, or what is feeding it? Do you spend a lot of time overthinking?
Its so many things. Theres a lot of scrutiny on my team, we interact with very senior leaders of a large organisation and they can be intimidating, every meeting that involves them is nerve wracking and requires lots of preparation and approvals of content. Theres an entirely separate team that exists just to review and challenge our work, and the politics around that is insane. Meanwhile, I’ve taken on more responsibilities, I’m a line manager, which I’ve done before but the high pressure of our work seems to mean theres frequent drama and confrontation in the team with clashes of personalities. I’m having trouble filling some of our vacant roles, in a team that was halved in a restructure, so theres the extra workload and not being able to dedicate the time to filling the vacancies. I have a couple of very junior team members and the irony of being overloaded is its hard putting the time into breaking down work into tasks they can do, so while the more senior members are overloaded, the juniors are underloaded. None of my work hits my expectations of quality because of the circumstances I’m in.
I’m also back in the office a couple days a week and I think interacting with people face to face again is adding to things. I keep ruminating over stupid things I’ve said. I keep doing stupid things I wouldn’t normally do because I’m not thinking clearly.
Then at home, DH has closed down his business and his business partner has been incredibly challenging. Its akin to a messy divorce. So he has been stressed out and wrapped up in his world, and venting to me and me to him too but neither of us can be much of a support atm. I feel incredibly distant from him atm, more than ever before, and I wonder if our marriage will survive.
DD1’s reading and writing is not good, she needs to be assessed for dyslexia but its waiting lists only atm, and I feel I should be doing more to get her better support at the school or get her a diagnosis, but every time I try its another hurdle and I just don’t have the energy I should because of my job and because I keep procrastinating, I think because I can’t handle any more confrontation.
DD2’s behaviour at home is just shocking. I don’t know where to begin. She screams, hits, kicks, destroys the house on what seems like a daily basis, she just seems to be spiraling downwards and I can’t figure out if its because we aren’t putting enough energy into our parenting of her or its more than that.
I get to weekends and I’m mentally exhausted, I end up spending hours on netflix without any motivation to do much else, so now the house is a disaster. Theres all sorts of random things too, like head lice that the kids keep bringing home and the hours of combing to get rid of them.
I keep thinking of more but I really need to stop and go to bed. Not that I’ll be able to sleep.