Ok I need to vent. So, my MIL. She has many medical issues, all of them rare. Some of them will seem like fairly common issues but its always something rare. I always took these at face value but over the years I’ve become more and more skeptical and wonder how many of these are self diagnosed. An example is something that sounds like gluten intolerance but its not gluten, its some weird thing she is allergic to that occurs in wheat and some other things I’ve never narrowed down. And then more and more things are added to what she can’t eat and various conditions, until one day she ends up in hospital and it turns out she has a problem with her stomach that would’ve been picked up much sooner if she didn’t keep coming up with all these weird allergies. And thats just one example. Anyway, its always something and I don’t doubt she has medical issues but I’m getting more and more suspicious about whether a doctor has diagnosed them or not. So today, DH has come off the phone to her and he mentioned that its looking like DD1 has dyslexia. She then tells him about some weird eye condition that presents as dyslexia but isn’t and it runs in the family, and lists the people that have this condition. I’ve taken DD1 to one of the top childrens eye clinics in Melbourne, paid an arm and a leg for him, and specifically mentioned that I suspect dyslexia but want her eyes thoroughly checked first, and she comes back with a clean bill of health. DH says no, his mum says that hardly anyone knows about this weird condition, you need to find someone who specifically knows of this condition. I just find it hard to believe that a childrens eye clinic in Melbourne wouldn’t know what this is. And so now I’m just pissed off. Its impossible to get in to see a developmental psychologist for dyslexia testing atm because of the lockdowns last year, the waiting lists are so long they can’t even give an estimate. And now he wants me to also chase down some eye condition. Anyway, I told him I’m skeptical its that, but I’ll raise it when we finally get in for dyslexia testing because I’m not taking her back to get her eyes tested, and then he got pissed off that I was doubting the condition exists. Which I’m not. I’m sure its googlable. I just doubt his family has it given his mums history of medical conditions. So then I got upset about the whole thing. I’m finding it stressful enough trying to get her a diagnosis and work out what to do. I feel like I’ve failed her because I knew there were some issues in 2019 and went into the start of the school year in 2020 talking to her teacher, to get to the bottom of it, and then covid happened and I was in survival mode. I completely forgot all about it because of everything else. Now here we are, she is in grade 3, I can’t get her diagnosed for love or money, my job is ridiculously stressful which just adds to my mental load, and it feels like DH and MIL are just making this harder instead of easier.

I think his mum has the short end of the stick somewhere and, since she’s already had her eyes tested, I definitely wouldn’t be taking your DD back to the optometrist before her assessment. I’ve heard that there are treatments given to people with dyslexia involving coloured glasses to (I think) help with reading and focussing the eyes but I don’t think it constitutes a seperate condition as such. If your MIL is confident then she needs to call your DH back with the name of the condition so that you can seek more information, if multiple relatives have been diagnosed then that shouldn’t be a problem. If she can’t do that then I suspect that she may be confused. I think historically the stigma around learning difficulties led to a lot of confusion and misinformation, even within families. You definitely haven’t failed your daughter and it’s great that you are so onto it now, 2020 messed with a lot of best laid plans. I feel like if your husband wants to organise an optometrist appointment, take her along and explain his mums concerns then that’s probably reasonable but it’s not something that you should feel bad for leaving to him. Honestly, I’m annoyed on your behalf that he seems to want you to deal with it all.

Marmalade She’s been to optometrists. And, funnily enough, I took her younger sister to two different optometrists because she was going cross eyed. Neither of them could detect it. Thats how I ended up at the highly expensive eye clinic, for DD2, and indeed they did detect her problem. So when DD1 started having issues with her reading I also took her to the same eye clinic. I wear glasses myself so I’ve been taking the kids for yearly eye tests since they were about 3.

If he is worried about it, then tell him to sort out appointments for DD1. I feel for you, it sounds like your MIL is self diagnosing rather than seeing a doctor, unfortunately not much you can do about that. Not fair for her to add to your worries about DD1 when it sounds like you are already doing everything you can!

She might have rare illnesses, she might also be like my nan who had regular, bog standard stuff that she made worse with her self.medication… We all dropped stuff in 2020, so try not to let that guilt get to you, but I wouldn’t feel bad ignoring MIL’s ’unique conditions for now…

Yeah. I would be grumpy at your husband. Tell him if he really thinks it is worthwhile he can get another appointment, take time off work, take your daughter out of school and explain to the new doctor that she has some eye condition tha he doesn’t know the name of that presents as dyslexia… and see what happens…..

I would put it back in him to get the name of the condition. And then mention it when you get the appointment and leave it at thst. I have one kid with a learning disability and I think getting a diagnosis was one of the most challenging things I have ever done. And whilst I am more chill this time around trying to get the next kid a diagnosis and know more about what I am doing, it is still really hard. I got Jack of my DH coming up with suggestions or doubts when he did not attend my kids medical appointments. I told him if he wanted a view or was going to question or doubt anything that came from the appointment he could come with me. Otherwise he could shut his mouth as I did not want to hear it. Specialised appointments can be so overwhelming at the best of times.

MILs rare medical issues