I dunno, does anybody have to consciously do this and have strategies that I might find useful? I had to train myself not to escalate when DH gets cranky and behaves badly but omg, as soon as I get some teen (preteen) attitude directed at me I lose all sense of proportion. The entitlement, the eyeroll, the know-it-all tone - I just cannot, it’s like nails down a chalkboard to me. But I know I need to develop some way to short circuit my natural responses or DD and I might not make it through her teen-hood alive. She’s a good kid, I just need to get a handle on myself. And seemingly have no ability to do so.

Honestly, I usually yell. And then I remind myself to walk away until I’ve calmed down. So I try and use time out, kid in their bedroom and me in mine until we’re both calm and then we can usually have a chat. Definitely time and space to start with though ❤️

Yes the same as @Chookas Walking away, and I let them know either then later or that if I didn’t I would say something I would regret and I don’t want to do that. But at times I have to remember they also need to walk away until they are ready to talk without the attitude!

My wise older sister told me she thought her daughter would never be nice again, but she is now. She said to try to remember what it was like being that age. And she also told me to watch The Exorciist again- apparently it’s an allegory for going through puberty. Yey!

I don’t find it easy either. There’s a lot of “poor me other people’s parents do XYZ with them all the time” as well which gives me the shits as I work full time, have no family support network and had shithouse parents myself so I try pretty hard to make sure to be supportive and let her try out any interests she has and let her know how loved and valuable she is. Normally I try and remind myself how awesome she is about things like $$ etc and how easy going and helpful she is normally but mostly I just snap and crack the shits then spend the next two hours grovelling an apology lol.

Sometimes if I catch myself about to really really lose it, I will stop then and there, close my eyes, and count out loud to 10. It’s useful because 1) I calm myself and don’t yell, and 2) child can see I’m about to fucking snap, so they shut up. 😅 But honestly, it’s pretty damn hard to keep calm. I do yell a lot. 🤷♀️

I dont have teens,.so I’m just gonna come in like my single childless friend and be all confidently knowledgeable 🤣, but what has helped me through annoying colleagues and countless tantrums (from mine and other kids) is thats it not about me, its them. It probably makes really annoying to be around, but toddlers, teenagers and manipulative colleagues, it’s all their issues exploding forth. This helps me ‘de-personalise’ and puts me into problem solving mode. (Yeah, pretty sure that’s annoying 😊)

Run away. Hide in your room. As they get older, they will insist on debating the rights and wrongs of every . little . thing. Ignore, ignore, ignore! Smile and nod if they aren’t actually yelling. Arguments ( besides important stuff if that’s your familys bag) are pointless. The 10% of the time they are right , they will never let you forget. The 90% of the time they are wrong, they will blame you for some reason ! They do turn out nice on the other side. Best of luck !!

DS 15 has his moments and I find what works best is if I dis-engage. If I step in and match my temper with his, things very quickly get worse. So I literally step back -out of the room, out of the conversation. Once I’m calmer, I’ll speak to him again & name his emotion (I can see that you are angry, frustrated etc) and then say “but I don’t deserve to be spoken to like that. Can we discuss this later”. He’s very empathetic kid so that usually works to stop the huge wave of emotion. We talk when we are both calmer. But it has taken practice. A lot of practice. And I have trigger points that I tend to snap back at still. I also find that talking after DS has eaten helps. Hanger is a very real thing for him.

Strategies to keep your temper in the face of 'attitude'