Strategies to keep your temper in the face of 'attitude'

CallMeAl

I dunno, does anybody have to consciously do this and have strategies that I might find useful?

I had to train myself not to escalate when DH gets cranky and behaves badly but omg, as soon as I get some teen (preteen) attitude directed at me I lose all sense of proportion. The entitlement, the eyeroll, the know-it-all tone - I just cannot, it’s like nails down a chalkboard to me.

But I know I need to develop some way to short circuit my natural responses or DD and I might not make it through her teen-hood alive. She’s a good kid, I just need to get a handle on myself.

And seemingly have no ability to do so.

Chookas

Honestly, I usually yell. And then I remind myself to walk away until I’ve calmed down. So I try and use time out, kid in their bedroom and me in mine until we’re both calm and then we can usually have a chat. Definitely time and space to start with though ❤️

Buttercup

Yes the same as @Chookas Walking away, and I let them know either then later or that if I didn’t I would say something I would regret and I don’t want to do that. But at times I have to remember they also need to walk away until they are ready to talk without the attitude!

ZuluAlpha

Tell me, I usually flip my lid at the teen and growl at the pre teen, so I have no strategies for self control in the face of surly indignation

CassandraNORI

My wise older sister told me she thought her daughter would never be nice again, but she is now.

She said to try to remember what it was like being that age. And she also told me to watch The Exorciist again- apparently it’s an allegory for going through puberty. Yey!

Sabrina

I don’t find it easy either. There’s a lot of “poor me other people’s parents do XYZ with them all the time” as well which gives me the shits as I work full time, have no family support network and had shithouse parents myself so I try pretty hard to make sure to be supportive and let her try out any interests she has and let her know how loved and valuable she is.

Normally I try and remind myself how awesome she is about things like $$ etc and how easy going and helpful she is normally but mostly I just snap and crack the shits then spend the next two hours grovelling an apology lol.

catbus

Sometimes if I catch myself about to really really lose it, I will stop then and there, close my eyes, and count out loud to 10. It’s useful because 1) I calm myself and don’t yell, and 2) child can see I’m about to fucking snap, so they shut up. 😅

But honestly, it’s pretty damn hard to keep calm. I do yell a lot. 🤷‍♀️

Heyho2

I dont have teens,.so I’m just gonna come in like my single childless friend and be all confidently knowledgeable 🤣, but what has helped me through annoying colleagues and countless tantrums (from mine and other kids) is thats it not about me, its them. It probably makes really annoying to be around, but toddlers, teenagers and manipulative colleagues, it’s all their issues exploding forth. This helps me ‘de-personalise’ and puts me into problem solving mode. (Yeah, pretty sure that’s annoying 😊)

Marmalade

Run away. Hide in your room. As they get older, they will insist on debating the rights and wrongs of every . little . thing.

Ignore, ignore, ignore! Smile and nod if they aren’t actually yelling.

Arguments ( besides important stuff if that’s your familys bag) are pointless.

The 10% of the time they are right , they will never let you forget. The 90% of the time they are wrong, they will blame you for some reason !

They do turn out nice on the other side.

Best of luck !!

M-M

DS 15 has his moments and I find what works best is if I dis-engage. If I step in and match my temper with his, things very quickly get worse. So I literally step back -out of the room, out of the conversation. Once I’m calmer, I’ll speak to him again & name his emotion (I can see that you are angry, frustrated etc) and then say “but I don’t deserve to be spoken to like that. Can we discuss this later”. He’s very empathetic kid so that usually works to stop the huge wave of emotion.

We talk when we are both calmer. But it has taken practice. A lot of practice. And I have trigger points that I tend to snap back at still.

I also find that talking after DS has eaten helps. Hanger is a very real thing for him.

CallMeAl

M-M I also find that talking after DS has eaten helps. Hanger is a very real thing for him.

Yeah this was where I started to go wrong. DD was clearly tired and cranky as hell, and I avoided her all evening. Then I offered “I need you to make sure you go to bed on time tonight”.

Apparently that was like a huge favour to ask. Why should she? Because she’s clearly tired, has bags under her eyes and has been a cow all evening. “That’s not because I’m tired it’s because everyone is annoying!!!” How to convince a child who doesn’t have enough insight to know that she’s tired to get enough sleep so she won’t be… I walked right into that one. (sigh)

Wilding

I have a near 20 year old (August) and a sole parent (have been since pregnancy days), don’t ask me.
Giphy - Hbo What GIF by Room104

Kreme

My go to is to snap “don’t you bloody roll your eyes at me!”. And to remind her that what is given can be taken away, which is either permission to meet up with friends or a lift to play sport at some ungodly hour. It usually calms her down.

I also try not to buy trouble. Today is the last day of the school holidays. I’m cleaning, the 14 year old has barely left her bed since yesterday. I could nag her to help but that would guarantee a bad atmosphere and probably end in me yelling and her still doing bugger all. So I am just pottering around and reminding myself that tomorrow she will be back at school so it’s not the end of the world to be lazy for a day (or 2)

WidowWyncke

I don’t know.

I failed that parenting exam. 🙁

Chookas

CallMeAl Sucker 🤣 my response to that is that there’s nothing else, no devices, TV games etc etc. And the longer you keep it up the longer you’ll be missing devices. My kids don’t try it with me anymore, I’m stubborn 😬

Heyho2

Hah! Wonder how im gonna go with a teen? My response would be ’go to bed then, and then we can’t annoy you’ that’s the right answer right? Sass em back?

Chookas

Actually, who am I kidding, of course they still try it 🤦 I just try to ignore them and drink wine. Probably not advisable.

Buttercup

Chookas I always said I would need a wine cellar when my boys were teenagers - and I was right!

EggGirl

I give it back, in a sarcastic way. It can be fun if you can hold the fury down 😂